Free Range?

I was watching Penn & Teller's HBO program on Netflix recently (since we no longer have HBO in our house--I have to remind myself it's for the best). The premise of the show is that they go around and debunk popular myths, like aliens/UFOs, and colon cleansing diets to prevent cancer (they were talking about the extreme stuff like ingesting only cayenne and grapefruit juice all day for a month).

In the episode I watched online they took on the "Helicopter Parent" along with Things We Tell Our Kids. They covered things like "If you go swimming right after eating you could drown." The doctor they talked to said that swimming after eating is only dangerous if you don't know how to swim. They talked about the parent who follows within 18 inches of her child in case he falls off the monkey bars, so she'll be there to catch him. (That's only a little bit of an exaggeration; about two days after I watched this episode, I witnessed one of these ladies in person at the playground. She seriously followed her daughter around the entire playground. She was even hovering around other people's kids. She made a couple movements toward Samantha, who hates being helped on the playground, and who was at that moment standing on the edge of the jungle gym watching Owen climb up a ladder. The lady was driving me nuts; I can't imagine how her eight year old daughter felt.) Not that helicopter parents are always moms, just the one I saw was...

Penn and Teller also spoke with Lenore Skenazy, a lady who let her nine year old son, Izzy (isn't Izzy Skenazy the most awesome name ever?) ride the subway in New York City. By himself. I was fascinated with this lady. I mean, I don't think I'd let my nine year old ride the subway on his own--that seems a bit young to me--but I appreciated that she had prepared her son; she'd been on the subway with him countless times, she'd given him advice on what to do in an emergency. She'd given him maps and directions on how to get where he was going. Then she let him go.

So now there seems to be this movement toward "Free Range Parenting," as Skenazy calls it. She even has a website devoted to it. A couple weeks ago, I got one of my periodic emails from WebMD. It contained a link to an article on "The New Hands-off Approach to Raising Kids."

Yesterday at the grocery store, this cover of Time Magazine caught my eye. I'm too cheap to actually buy a magazine, so I went home and looked up the article, The Case Against Overparenting, online. I highly recommend reading it. Even if all you do is skip to page four and read the conclusion, which just reiterates teaching your kids, then letting them put it into practice, and letting them learn from any mistakes.

The thing that really gets me is that this "new movement" really isn't that new. I feel like my own mom was a free-range parent. She taught my siblings and me how to behave, taught us right from wrong, then she let us practice on our own. It allowed me to develop self confidence, and learn from my own mistakes. And it was fun. I love reminiscing with my siblings about things we did when we were younger, and adventures we had. And I love it when my mom pipes in with "Where was I?" Who knows? But looking back, it doesn't really matter, because it allowed my siblings and me to create our own pickles and work through them.

After reading all the articles on "overparenting" and "free-range parenting" I've come to the conclusion that I am more of a free-range parent. Not that I let my kids run amok (okay, sometimes I do), but I give them lots of time to play and imagine. I'm usually nearby somewhere, because at their age, I can't really trust them to not break things, but I don't dictate their play. The can do pretty much whatever they want for this time. Sometimes it's hard to stand back. They get into quarrels over toys, but I've been trying to get them to work it out amongst themselves. If Drew comes whining to me, "Mom! Owen took my toy!" I tell him,
"Go talk to Owen about it." I just feel like, at this point, I've told them time and time again, We don't take other people's things without asking. It's time to let them practice it. They're getting better at it. Owen is usually the one who tattles, and it drives me crazy. But we're working on it.

There are rewarding moments, like when the kids are all playing together and I hear something similar to the following:

Owen: Would you like some cookies that I made?

Drew: Yes, please.

Samantha: Peease!

Drew: Here, Samantha, you can have two.

Samantha: Theek-oou.

Owen: You're welcome. That is two tickets, please. [Tickets are their currency.]