Sometimes I have to try so hard not to bust out laughing at Drew; especially when he's having a tantrum for reasons that are beyond me. A lot of times, I can understand why he gets upset; he's just little, he can't help himself to things, he can't walk or talk, can't tell me what he needs and I sometimes don't understand his clues. That can be frustrating. But we deal with the issues as well as we can without too much of an outburst from anyone*.
This afternoon's tantrum, however, seemed a little bit unwarranted to me. The boys and I were having a little snack before nap time. We had some juice and graham crackers, and I decided I needed some salt (what American doesn't need more salt in their diet? most of us...), so I busted out some pretzel sticks. I gave a few to Owen. He was grateful and made some cute eating noises: mmm.mmmm. I handed a few to Drew. He proceeded to throw his sippy cup on the floor, get on his hands and knees, and kick the dishwasher. Oh, and scream. And scream, and scream and scream.
I was stunned. I didn't know what to do for a minute, so I just laughed. Then I came to my senses and decided I didn't want to put up with these kinds of tantrums, so I put the sippy cup in the fridge, grabbed the flailing Drew and put him in his crib. He screamed for about five minutes more, but he's asleep now. I think that's really what he needed.
*3 out of 10 major outbursts have been avoided.
Drew's a tough kid to deal with sometimes. I try not to give him his way if he's having a tantrum, but a lot of times he's tantruming over things I was going to do for him anyway... Like, when I'm serving breakfast, he screams until he gets his food. I don't want to withhold food, because he does need to eat, but I don't want him to think I'm rewarding him either. It's just that I was already going to feed him. Any suggestions from people who've been through this would be great.
4 comments:
I have the same trouble with Kevin - he thinks he's getting his way, but I was on my to giving him the something anyway. I just kind of talk to him while I'm giving it to him. I can't remember any specific examples; if I do, I'll pass them along. If he's already calmed down, I might say, "it's nice to see you're calm (or happy) now."
Hi Heathie,
I think as young as he is, he just doesn't know how to communicate that he is hungry, other then to cry. I don't think I would see this as misbehavior at this point. I can remember when my kids were babies and they finally understood what the bottle was and how they would fuss and cry while they would see me preparing the bottle. Same as getting their dinner ready, you know, cutting the food, and blowing it so it isn't so hot. Their brains aren't developed enough to understand that you are preparing to give him food, so he isn't getting his way, he is just communicating to you in the only way he knows how to that he is really, really hungry. Or really, really tired, just like with the pretzels. He didn't want to eat, he wanted to sleep.
I hope that eases your mind. It is my opinion and how I looked at it when my kids were small. As he grows older he will communicate with you with words, but for now, he only knows to cry for what he wants. :)
Ellie
Heathie,
Sorry about the fussy kid. I have a suggestion but don't know if it will work! In one of my classes from school they taught immediate POSITIVE reinforcement. So I think that means that the second that he starts to tantrum IMMEDIATELY turn your back and just ignore him. Let him tantrum until he becomes quiet. The SECOND he becomes quiet, plop some food on his plate. I think it has to be immediate and you have to just IGNORE the unwanted behavior. No expression, don't talk about it. If you are still working with Owen then you can turn Drew towards the wall or something. Just so that he is ignored during the unwanted behavior. Wait for it to stop and the SECOND that he becomes calm, give him a reward... for the good behavior. sometimes Brig would cry for 45 minutes though so that doesn't always work but if this is interfering in eating out or something it may be worth a try. Also, I have an asian salad recipe from a high school friends site. go here:
http://alisonanddave.blogspot.com/2007/02/joy-school-pizza.html
Hope I was of a little help!
Abba
Thanks, everyone! I don't usually get worked up about tantrums, I usually just ignore them, and do my best to fill his needs. But I think I was a little over-tired that day, too...
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