Open Letters

Chick puts open letters on her blog and they're usually really funny or inspiring and sometimes both. I just thought I'd put a few of my recent thoughts in open letter form. If they're neither funny nor inspiring, I'm fine with that. But here they are:

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Dear Robin (the one with the nests under my deck),

I noticed that you have two nests, and I've seen you sitting in each nest at different times. I've seen one of your eggs. Hope you don't mind. I'll be looking for the other later today. Smart move, not putting all your eggs in one basket.

I just thought I'd let you know how lucky you are that you'll most likely never have to experience your baby birdies pooping in your nest and smearing it all over the wall, and the toys and the books, then ripping up the books to make sure every page is covered. It's pretty wasteful, and I'm certain that little birds just don't waste stuff like that.

Good luck incubating those eggs,

Your Hostess.

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Dear Woolite,

Thank you. Thank you, thank you for making Pet Stain and Odor Remover. We use it for our kids' messes, because I haven't seen a Kid Stain and Odor Remover at the store. But you know, I bet you could make some money if you made a product like that. We might even pay extra if it removed the kids altogether, at least until they're out of the poop-smearing phase.

Forever a loyal customer,

The Lady Who Bought A House With White Carpet In The Kids' Room.

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Dear Kids,

Learn to use the toilet! Leave your diapers on at nap time! Stop smearing poop on the walls!

Love you anyway,

Mom.